An excerpt from A Geek’s Progress:
When I was 11 years old and getting my hair cut, I had an interesting revelation. The barber shop was set up with large mirrors on opposite sides of the narrow room. Being bored, I noticed a reflection of the mirror behind me in the corner of the mirror opposite me. Inside that reflection was another, even smaller, and so on, presumably forever. I busied myself trying to count how many images I could see and congratulating myself on my intelligence the higher the count I could get. Then I realized how foolish that was. The picture was the same in each image and was just bigger and easier to see in the first one, so why did I think I was so smart looking at the tiniest one I could see? That eventually led me to the realization that life is much simpler than we usually make it out to be, especially those of us who make our livings mostly using our brains rather than our brawn. Life is simpler, just not easier. I try to live my life with a few simple things in mind.
The first thing is to keep my priorities straight. My priorities in order are:
God
Family
Work
Everything else either falls under one of those 3 or is a waste of time.
Even if you don’t believe in God, you know someone or something outside you controls the universe. Thinking otherwise is the definition of insanity. Judaism and Christianity share the first commandment. The word Islam means submission (to the will of Allah). Buddhist monks spend their first year of training contemplating their own deaths. Even if what controls the universe is chance, humility is the appropriate attitude to take. I cannot say it better than Neil Armstrong did, “The single observation I would offer for your consideration is that some things are beyond your control. You can lose your health to illness or accident. You can lose your wealth to all manner of unpredictable sources. What are not easily stolen from you without your cooperation are your principles and your values. They are your most important possessions and, if carefully selected and nurtured, will well serve you and your fellow man.”
Do not put your family before God and your principles but do prioritize them over work. A great job does not make up for a ruined family, and a ruined family frequently leads to the loss of a great job anyway. That doesn’t mean to ignore work for every thing that comes up regarding your family. It does mean that if you have to prioritize work for a short time, you need to quickly make up for it by prioritizing family soon afterwards. And, on the important things, family does come before work. It’s just that both family and work come before hanging out in bars, playing video games, or gossiping over shots of tequila, but, yes, you do have to sleep. You will be surprised how much family time you can squeeze out if you ask for it after you have shown yourself to be someone who does his work well. Don’t just assume the answer will be no if you need to make it to your daughter’s soccer game some afternoon. The women who were raised with the idea that nurturing your family is the most important thing tend to have fewer problems with this one than the men who were raised with the idea that earning a living to take care of your family is the most important thing.
You may ask, “What about those who choose to do jobs that require the jobs to take priority?” Doctors and police may be on call 24/7, but they need to be there for their families as well. Don’t kid yourself by saying, “My job is too important.” It’s only that important for brief moments in time, and those need to be made up for. What about those in the military who can be required to be away from their spouse and children for months? If you choose to take on such a calling as a career rather than a stint of a few years while you’re young, you are unfortunately also choosing a different family ahead of your nominal family. In addition to the jokes about the Navy-issued divorce that comes with your reenlistment, the successful career military marriages that I’ve seen are those where the other spouse builds a life for her or himself and any children separate from that of their spouse. They have to make all the important family decisions without you, and that can’t be just taken back when you come home. The growing together part can’t be replaced years later although you might get lucky and find a new life that you can grow into together. This is certainly one area where women have it much harder than men. I’m not saying not to do it, just be aware of what you’re choosing.
Work is what you choose to do with much of your life. Do it well. Make sure those who are the recipients of your work are happy with the value you’ve provided. Successfully accomplishing something is one of the great joys in life. Even if the work seems humble, do it well. I once spent a couple of weeks stringing cable between server rooms despite my job as a Sr. Software Engineer. It needed doing, and, in a SCIF, you can’t just bring in a handyman. People will remember you if you do a job well with the goal to make their lives better or easier. If you do it right, there are moments you’ll remember with pride or at least fondness. A friend met one of the engineers who was tasked with saving the Apollo 13 astronauts by figuring how to craft a carbon dioxide scrubber out of whatever they already had with them 230,000 miles away. Despite the serious consequences of failure, he remembered it as the most fun he ever had. There are moments I’ve detailed here that I look back on with satisfaction. Do your best, and you will have them too. As Robert Louis Stevenson said, “I know what pleasure is, for I have done good work.
WordPress pummels writers with daily prompts meant to drive traffic to your site by exposing it to random strangers. “What are Your Principles?” was today’s prompt. So, WordPress, you tricked me into responding to one of your prompts. Does that make you feel good? Does it, punk?
Musings of a Restless Mind 